Was awaken around 2:30a the despair was lifted. I Still felt it but my silence allowed me not to wear it. I received my new Study Bible in the mail and slept with it along with other studies I haven’t touched in weeks. They somehow never made it to the shelf or chair. 

Knowing I packed my gym bag and if I stayed up that would be 1.5 hours lost in sleep. So I started reading my devotional and immediately knew it was God who awaken me. Oh how He Loves me!!! It has become impossible for me to mask the hurt, pain, and disappointment and struggling with being quiet while God show me the way through. His word said he will never leave nor forsake you. Abba Father said He will be there always and forever, yet my eyes have grown weary in the fight. But this morning was different and knew it. I felt this old feeling I used to feel and so I talked with my Father…

Glimpse of devotional: 

Quietly recite today’s focus verse to yourself. Hide it in your heart and meditate on it throughout the day.

Ephesians 1:18-19
“Having the eyes of your hearts enlightened, that you may know what is the hope to which he has called you, what are the riches of his glorious inheritance in the saints, and what is the immeasurable greatness of his power toward us who believe.”

The more we discover the depth of our depravity the more we will truly love the Gospel. We still live with the presence of sin. We were born in sin (Psalm 51), but in Christ we have been given the power over sin. Sin’s power has been broken, and we are no longer “bound” to it. We have been set free because the penalty for sin has been paid. We are now in Christ.

I then read Psalm 51 and my Spirit leap up and my body had to follow: Psalms 51:6‭-‬15‭, ‬17‭-‬19 Surely You desire integrity in the inner self, and You teach me wisdom deep within. Purify me with hyssop, and I will be clean; wash me, and I will be whiter than snow. Let me hear joy and gladness; let the bones You have crushed rejoice. Turn Your face away from my sins and blot out all my guilt. God, create a clean heart for me and renew a steadfast spirit within me. Do not banish me from Your presence or take Your Holy Spirit from me. Restore the joy of Your salvation to me, and give me a willing spirit.  Then I will teach the rebellious Your ways, and sinners will return to You. Save me from the guilt of bloodshed, God, the God of my salvation, and my tongue will sing of Your righteousness. Lord, open my lips, and my mouth will declare Your praise. The sacrifice pleasing to God is a broken spirit. God, You will not despise a broken and humbled heart. In Your good pleasure, cause Zion to prosper; build the walls of Jerusalem. Then You will delight in righteous sacrifices, whole burnt offerings; then bulls will be offered on Your altar.

When I prayed I would end it saying in the Mighty Name of Jesus by Holy Spirit Amen and Selah. Lately I haven’t being ending it this way and hadn’t noticed it until my friend said she missed that, I was like wow, Lord how we can lose sight so quickly. 

I then read Psalms 24:8 and it REMINDED me: Who is this King of glory? The Lord , strong and mighty, the Lord , mighty in battle.

Who is like the Lord, nobody!!! I will life mine eye unto the Lord and keep running this race as I am. Thank you FATHER for keeping me in times of despair and you never let me stay to long. I found Your Strong Tower this morning and I feel so safe. Thank you for Peace and Stength as you do you Great work in me and through me. Healing is my reward and that I will seek after. Love you so much Daddy because Your love is so real and captured my heart. Keep me in your warm embrace, I love it here. Thank you for the smile the morning and now I will share it with all I see. In the Mighty Name of Jesus by Holy Spirit Amen and Selah